TL;DR = Back to work (-:
I was eventually glad to be back at work this week. I fell ill at the end of last year, missed some urgent work, my employer's xmas party and xmas day with family (I was isolating with covid). Even though it couldn't be helped, I felt guilty when I got back to the office on Tuesday (Monday was a national holiday in England). But by the end of the week I was glad to be back amoung my colleagues, including 2 new starters that I helped hire. At the end of the week I had my first coaching session of the year. We talked about new year's resolutions and my on / off relationship with them. Last time I created a ridiculous list of 8 new habits, 10 new routines and 9 goals for the year. This time I only have 1 goal - come to terms with and fix my ongoing imposter syndrome.
It's been holding me back for years. I often think, "Why have they hired me? I can't do this". It was easy to type that, but hard to explain it further. [Several sentences were typed here and then deleted]. Okay, the first place to start is properly understanding imposter syndrome:
Imposter syndrome is a psychological phenomenon where people doubt their achievements and feel like a fraud. Despite external evidence of their success, they harbor a persistent internal belief that they don't belong, are undeserving, or just lucky. It's a common experience, affecting individuals from all walks of life, regardless of their accomplishments.
Hmmm. Some of this feels right, but not entirely. Will be diggin into this thoughout the rest of the year.
I've stopped taking the immunosuppressants and my ADHD medication. I've also put on some weight over xmas.
I remember being told if I felt unwell, to stop taking the immunosuppressants. I've been unwell on and off since I started them, with the xmas bouts being the final straw. I started taking them to help with my skin problems. My skins better now, so we'll see if it stays well now I've stopped. We'll also see if I stop getting ill.
The ADHD meds is an issue with availability. There are supply issues with many different ADHD meds in England at the moment. I got fedup with the effort it was taking to find them at the end of last year, so decided to use the break to come off the ADHD meds. Fortunately there's no supply issues with my bipolar meds, as coming off them so quickly would make me very unwell.
Weight wise I'm not too worried, as I'm now back cycling everyday. Like many Brits, I over did it food wise at xmas. But it'll soon drop off.